"The One That Got Away" - Katy Perry...I'm going to try and argue about how there is a vital message covered under that beat, and the performer that Katy Perry is...so here goes.
The fact is, this song is about a person that everything was going right with...there was honest love, but something ended up getting in the way of this happiness...something that will haunt the rest of their life...
It's just a song of regret of losing someone you loved, and always being haunted by the idea that if you had done anything different, told them how you felt, apologized for saying something dumb in a timely manner, held them tight when they needed you, just done that one little thing that they needed, you would be with them in that blissfully happiness you imagine.
I have two views on this. One, this type of argument probably not healthy...I dunno, we all have that land of what might have been, but the fact is, it's healthier living in the here and now, facing life as it comes, learning from the things you've done, and facing the consequences of your actions. The fact is, they did get away. There's always a slim chance that that person might someday want you back...but living solely on that slim hope...it seems a pretty dismal way to live.
And yet, as I preach that, I sit here, knowing that I might have let the only woman I've ever truly fallen in love with become my one that got away. And I'm not ready to face that future right now...I don't want to have to face the idea that I have someone I love get away, let her leave before I plucked up the courage to admit how much I love her when she needed most to hear it. I don't want to stand there in the background being the best friend forever on the sidelines, never being in the running for actually being happily ever after with her...
I dunno, I love it, because it provokes so much thought in me...perhaps it's shallow thought, but for once it's thought, which has been absent from my head for months...so I'm gonna listen and love.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Beating Myself Up...
I've realized recently that I have been far to happy to just sort of coast under the radar lately. I get average to below average grades. My class attendance is abysmal... or worse than abysmal...it's actually down right pathetic. I haven't been to Institute in months (I went for the first time in ten forevers today...and it was a nice). I've been slacking socially, becoming reclusive, and moody, and a lot of just all around annoying things. I'm working on it though... I had a nice wake up call this weekend where I realized that I've been too happy about drifting. I haven't written anything that really is super important to me in months. I mean I have a tumblr where I post random thoughts, which although they have entertainment value (I'm so humble), really have no substance...and I've posted a couple of blog entries in the last few months, but again they were just there because I felt like readers might like updates, not because they had any particular substance...
All of my life I've had this feeling that there is so much I can do in my life. There are so many people that I can love, there are so many words I can write, so much good I can do...and yet I've been doing nothing to get me close to the potential I've always felt I have. I've been a pathetic waste of space for this entire semester. Moody, and just all around stupid. I'm tired of this. I'm working on this.
I'm still not perfect...I never will be, and I'll accept that (someday)...but I'm trying again...at least I hope I am. I want to be the person that I keep picturing I have the potential. I want to be a good friend, the kind of friend I have in my roommate, quick to forgive, patient when other people are careless, willing to move on and accept that people make mistakes, understanding when that loser he lives with (oh yeah, that's me) is an all around jerk...I can't be that person unless I learn to forgive others, and work hard on looking past people's mistakes to see the big picture that creates the good in people.
I guess what I'm trying to get at, is just to say that I'm sorry, and I'm trying harder. I've been so dumb this semester, and I'm sorry I've been venting to you guys so much, and I'm sorry that I've been such a prick...please have patience as I try and reform myself into something that's closer to what I feel my real potential is.
All of my life I've had this feeling that there is so much I can do in my life. There are so many people that I can love, there are so many words I can write, so much good I can do...and yet I've been doing nothing to get me close to the potential I've always felt I have. I've been a pathetic waste of space for this entire semester. Moody, and just all around stupid. I'm tired of this. I'm working on this.
I'm still not perfect...I never will be, and I'll accept that (someday)...but I'm trying again...at least I hope I am. I want to be the person that I keep picturing I have the potential. I want to be a good friend, the kind of friend I have in my roommate, quick to forgive, patient when other people are careless, willing to move on and accept that people make mistakes, understanding when that loser he lives with (oh yeah, that's me) is an all around jerk...I can't be that person unless I learn to forgive others, and work hard on looking past people's mistakes to see the big picture that creates the good in people.
I guess what I'm trying to get at, is just to say that I'm sorry, and I'm trying harder. I've been so dumb this semester, and I'm sorry I've been venting to you guys so much, and I'm sorry that I've been such a prick...please have patience as I try and reform myself into something that's closer to what I feel my real potential is.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tumblr
I finally caved and got myself a tumblr account. I swore a while back that I wouldn't get one, but I did, and I'm enjoying it. I feel like I can post more often, because everyone else is doing it on tumblr...whereas blogspot is more just a big post here and there.
Plus a few of my Alabama friends have tumblr accounts, and this helps me stay in contact with them a little more deeply than facebook...So I mean it's cool. Just yeah there you have it. I have a tumblr, just in case you cared, and I've gotten 16 posts in in two days....I should chill.
Plus a few of my Alabama friends have tumblr accounts, and this helps me stay in contact with them a little more deeply than facebook...So I mean it's cool. Just yeah there you have it. I have a tumblr, just in case you cared, and I've gotten 16 posts in in two days....I should chill.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I Love Me Some Cheese.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0
Thank goodness for this song, now I know the days of the week...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiOumJEe2yQ
Keeping up the cheesy. Although this music video has some good dancing as opposed to the one above. Did anyone watch the girl in pink on the one above? She's my new favorite.
And to continue cheesy, this music video is pretty classic. I can't help wondering if Azkaban looks something like this. Also on the entertaining front. The music swells, and she has the exact same expression...the whole time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM
I do like the last song though. And the other two are strangely addictive, and yet I know they aren't real music...
Thank goodness for this song, now I know the days of the week...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiOumJEe2yQ
Keeping up the cheesy. Although this music video has some good dancing as opposed to the one above. Did anyone watch the girl in pink on the one above? She's my new favorite.
And to continue cheesy, this music video is pretty classic. I can't help wondering if Azkaban looks something like this. Also on the entertaining front. The music swells, and she has the exact same expression...the whole time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM
I do like the last song though. And the other two are strangely addictive, and yet I know they aren't real music...
Following a Dream
Yesterday a girl across the hall wanted me to work out some of the knots she had from our trip to California. Being back in an environment where people honestly appreciated my ability for giving massages made me acutely aware of the fact that if there's one thing I did in high school that I miss excessively, it's being the person who is always on hand to give massages. I mean I'm not gonna lie, I'm good at it, and I love it. So today I checked online for a massage therapy school in Utah. And now that I know that it's a possibility...I can't help but want to go. It just suddenly feels like a direction my life is supposed to go in right now...I don't want to leave USU, and yet, I want to go to this school.
Oh and on the same note, I read places their students end up working, and one of them is working on cruise ships...that's been a dream of mine for a long time...could my life really work out like this?
Oh and on the same note, I read places their students end up working, and one of them is working on cruise ships...that's been a dream of mine for a long time...could my life really work out like this?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Curing a Terrible Case of Man PMS
I feel like this semester I've been a total jerk to everyone. I've studied myself a lot and come up with a million rationalizations for why I am the way that I am, and although I don't really like the way I am, I feel that it's justified for me to be this way anyways, because I've rationalized everything.
Finally something clicked in my head that made more sense than all of my rationalization. I have the ability to change what I am. I don't have to be this jerk that I feel like everyone thinks I am. I don't have to be so OCD about everything, I need to chill. Get over myself and just calm down.
Perhaps some sun, warmth, good friends, and beach time helped me mellow out and actually think clearly, but whatever it was, I'm glad. Hopefully as the people I've been a total jerk to this semester get back to Jones, I'll be able to keep this attitude in mind, and just chill.
Finally something clicked in my head that made more sense than all of my rationalization. I have the ability to change what I am. I don't have to be this jerk that I feel like everyone thinks I am. I don't have to be so OCD about everything, I need to chill. Get over myself and just calm down.
Perhaps some sun, warmth, good friends, and beach time helped me mellow out and actually think clearly, but whatever it was, I'm glad. Hopefully as the people I've been a total jerk to this semester get back to Jones, I'll be able to keep this attitude in mind, and just chill.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
My Life In A List
*Why am I so good at holding a grudge?
*California...next week. In a week I will be on the beach.
*Rebound? I dunno...maybe.
*Homework sucks.
*Dinner with my sister Thursday!
*Family went to HP World...it's cool. I'll go later.
*This blog sounds really negative.
*I actually had a good day.
*Donating plasma isn't too bad. Just don't try and run to catch the bus afterward...
*T-Swift jam party.
*The movie 2012 is dumb. Just a bunch of gratuitous destruction...I don't get it.
*I have some pretty awesome roommates...overall.
*On the other hand I have some really obnoxious people who think they're roommates...just for the record, this isn't your apartment.
*Our apartment went from being the worst to the best in a matter of five minutes when we got the second couch and the sound system. Yeah, you're jealous.
*Biology test Friday...yeah, we'll see how that goes.
*Social Systems quiz tomorrow. I'm gonna ace that thing.
*Dr. Horrible rehearsal tomorrow. We're working on music. Do I have to go, since I won't be in any of the songs...Moist doesn't sing. Also I was promised no rehearsal this week.. I feel like that is a lie now.
*Already missing Aggie basketball games. Won't be at another for at least two years...not okay.
*Girl at the plasma center was flirting with me. It's the facial hair.
*Actually, if I didn't laugh the first time, it's because it wasn't funny. Repeating and laughing at it, it's not funny. And by the way, your jokes are never funny, because they're pretty pointed. All of them. I get sarcasm, but yours is a little too biting, so please just stop trying, it's getting old.
*I'm a snob. I should work on that.
*My bucket list...I need to get into gear and do it.
*It's already March, where has my Freshman year gone, and how will I survive not living in Jones with all of the people I love here.
*This was rambling, just wanted to write and get some thoughts out. I might expand on some later...or not.
*California...next week. In a week I will be on the beach.
*Rebound? I dunno...maybe.
*Homework sucks.
*Dinner with my sister Thursday!
*Family went to HP World...it's cool. I'll go later.
*This blog sounds really negative.
*I actually had a good day.
*Donating plasma isn't too bad. Just don't try and run to catch the bus afterward...
*T-Swift jam party.
*The movie 2012 is dumb. Just a bunch of gratuitous destruction...I don't get it.
*I have some pretty awesome roommates...overall.
*On the other hand I have some really obnoxious people who think they're roommates...just for the record, this isn't your apartment.
*Our apartment went from being the worst to the best in a matter of five minutes when we got the second couch and the sound system. Yeah, you're jealous.
*Biology test Friday...yeah, we'll see how that goes.
*Social Systems quiz tomorrow. I'm gonna ace that thing.
*Dr. Horrible rehearsal tomorrow. We're working on music. Do I have to go, since I won't be in any of the songs...Moist doesn't sing. Also I was promised no rehearsal this week.. I feel like that is a lie now.
*Already missing Aggie basketball games. Won't be at another for at least two years...not okay.
*Girl at the plasma center was flirting with me. It's the facial hair.
*Actually, if I didn't laugh the first time, it's because it wasn't funny. Repeating and laughing at it, it's not funny. And by the way, your jokes are never funny, because they're pretty pointed. All of them. I get sarcasm, but yours is a little too biting, so please just stop trying, it's getting old.
*I'm a snob. I should work on that.
*My bucket list...I need to get into gear and do it.
*It's already March, where has my Freshman year gone, and how will I survive not living in Jones with all of the people I love here.
*This was rambling, just wanted to write and get some thoughts out. I might expand on some later...or not.
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