Before Leaving Utah

>This is a bucket list:
*Baptisms for the dead in Logan, and Salt Lake
*Swim at First Dam
*Tell her how I feel.
*Roadtrip to California
*Wake up in Vegas (preferably not broke, hung-over, married or any of the usual Vegas stereotypes)
*Play lots of Stupiduel
*Get reasonably good grades
*Look into a massage therapy school (highly considering this.
*Look seriously into the T-Swift concert...but that thing is expensive (Not going)
*Go hiking! Plenty of hiking.
*Wave-runners on Bear Lake
*Have at least one more fire in the Logan Canyon
>*Clean the sink at Angie's
*Go to Firehouse with the roommates (I want a Fhzookie right now, so stinking bad)(Sort of happened)
*Move on...it's about time (Mostly)
*Learn to forgive, and learn how to actually speak my mind.
*Kick butt in Dr. Horrible.
*Go tanning again (that's way relaxing...it's strange).
*Donate Plasma
*Go to the last Aggie Basketball game of the year.
*Build a snow village.
*Stop doing other people's dishes, and still manage to keep doing my own.
*Enjoy what it is to be single. Thrive in this time of your life, because it's fun.
*Read all of Jane Austen.
*Try every Aggie Icecream flavor.
*Go play racket ball (once, unless it's really fun).
*Swim a mile
*Game night with the Chadwicks
*Finish Part II of my novel.
Those are the things I've thought of now.

I Don't Know What to Call This

Do you know why I love Taylor Swift? It's all about the emotion behind the songs she writes. She knows what she's singing about, and she puts her all into the song, to get the point of the song across to people. She writes in such a way that you can just dive into her head and know what she's trying to say. It's amazing. I wish I could do something that awesome.
She might not have the perfect voice, or the most sophisticated music style, but really, I don't think her songs would be as good if she didn't perform them herself. She honestly understands what she's saying in her songs, which I guess you could say about a lot of other artists, but her lyrics mean more than most of the things in pop culture (partying/sex/alcohol).
I dunno, I just appreciate the fact that most of her songs are things that I've always wished I could say. Most of the songs on her Speak Now album I honestly can relate to, which I dunno if that's weird or not, but it's true. I mean at some point I've felt pretty much every single one of the emotions she puts across in music, much like my connections with David Archuleta's music.

Craving

I could really use a good quality Alabama thunderstorm right now. I've been craving one like nobody's business for the past week. I want to run out into the pouring rain and just hang out in the warm rain that Alabama has, instead of the snowflakes, or the frigid rain we have here. I want to hear the thunder, and have it lull me to sleep. I want to see the lightning. I want to be able to just enjoy that sort of weather.
Sad news is that when I had Alabama rain, I can only remember once when I went out into it and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a great afternoon, but I missed so many opportunities to just go out and be in the rain, and feel the relaxation that comes from it.
When I first moved down to Alabama, the fact that so much water could just fall from the sky terrified me. But now there's nothing I can think that's more soothing, and I dunno. I would really love something as soothing as a nice thunderstorm. I could use that.

Fenced In?

Sometimes I regret how much I've tried to plan my life out in advance. Since sixth grade I've wanted to be a writer. Since fourth grade I've wanted to be with the same girl. Two of the most important decisions of my life, and I feel like I made them before I was ready to make any such decisions. I mean, true I'm not technically a writer, able to live and support a family off of what my writing brings in (so far I've earned a nice little sheet of paper that says I've written 50,000 words in a month, and no money), and true I'm not married to said girl. But those seem like the expectations everyone is placing on me. I mean I don't hate the prospect of either one, it's just, what if they don't work out? All of my family has been banking on said girl from the beginning of time pretty much. What if we don't work out though? I mean it would be easiest. We get along really well. I love her family, and I get the feeling that she likes mine pretty well too. We have so much history together, that we wouldn't really have issues. But I don't know... I don't want to go chugging along with my life for years, and get to the point where I look back and realize that I'm not really happy, I just did what was expected and rolled along with life without taking any chances on anything else. Without testing the waters and seeing if there might be something better out there. Not to insult said girl. She's wonderful, one of the nicest people you will meet, and all around one of the greatest examples in my life...I don't know what I'm trying to get at here.
Actually, I do. I think what I'm trying to say is how much I regret defining myself so early on. When I decided I wanted to be a writer, I decided that I should be bad at math and science, and so I closed my brain off and didn't let myself understand it. As a kid before this decision I was one of the best at math in my classes, it just came naturally, and I distinctly remember planning on becoming an inventor, and checking out the biggest science book in the city library, just because it looked so interesting. But I closed those doors when I made my decision, and so my math and science grades have always been mediocre.
Then when dealing with said girl, I chose to create the man I thought she most wanted out of me, without allowing myself develop into what I wanted to become. That sounds selfish, but I honestly feel that.
I'm just kind of sitting here trying to study for a biology test tomorrow, and instead of actually concentrating, I'm pondering if I would be good at this if I hadn't thrown those mental blocks up when I made my decision to become an English person...