Falling Into Place

It's been rough...I hate saying that because I sound like a whiner...but I don't want to lie. This summer has been, at times, absolutely infuriating. But I've learned something from all of the stuff I have been fighting. The valuable lesson: The Lord is aware of me, He's aware of you, He's aware of all of us.
It's been crazy this summer. I've been hunting for a job with a total of one interview at a place where I was told they would hire anyone... but the thing is that I didn't get the job. It was a call center, so I mean not OVERLY bummed, but still disappointing. I've been trying to start my mission papers since May, with little to zero success... And to top it off I lost contact with one of my best friends since the day school got out.
But the Lord was aware. Every day I started thinking "I can't take much more of this," something would go right that day. I would roll out of bed and go to Institute and be taught something that I needed to hear...something that the Lord prompted my teacher to say for me. I would be sitting moping to myself and get an invite to go do something that would get my mind off the spiral of how miserable I was. The Lord has spent this entire acting through other people in my life to show me how aware He is of me. And even though I didn't handle things as well as I should have, (I have a horrible habit of murmuring, when I should just have the faith to do what is required of me), He is blessing me. Everything is finally falling into place.
No I still don't have a job, or a mission call, but there has been progress, which has been yet another witness of the Lord's awareness of me. I have an appointment with my bishop tomorrow night at six, which means the papers will be started soon. Somehow my best friend started talking to me again, and even though I want to hold a grudge about the lack of communication between us, I can't, and I would feel wrong about it. And with that, there's some definition of what we are, which is amazing now. I didn't want to leave with everything so bad between us, and things are finally giving me a sense of closure there, which is much needed.
Just know, the Lord is aware. He will help you when you don't think you can hold on anymore, He'll show you how you can.

"The Quality of Our Lives"

"It's an interesting phrase. I suspect most people think of this concept in terms of comforts and conveniences they enjoy. But I prefer to think that the quality of our lives has more to do with substance than style. A quality life is one that positively influences others and makes the world around it a better place in which to live. A quality life is one that is constantly growing, expanding its horizons and enlarging its borders. A quality life is one that is filled with love and loyalty, patience and perseverance, kindness and compassion. A quality life is one that is based on eternal potential and not confined to this life only. A quality life is a life well-lived." - Elder M. Russel Ballard ("Our Search for Happiness")

Going Home

My mom bought me a ticket home yesterday...as in, me, I'm going home. I won't be here in this valley that I've grown to love so much. I won't be close to my sister. I won't have all of my college friends around. I won't have the temple within walking distance where I can go and pray and work to find solutions to all the things that go wrong with me. I won't have the freedom to come home at any hour of the night I want. I won't get to walk up to campus and bask in the beauty of this place that I chose to come to school. I won't feel connected with the past year of my life at all.
I remember feeling absolutely terrified leaving home almost a year ago. All of my friends were all there was to life. I had a nice car. I had my parents who would buy me food. I had a ward where nearly everyone loved me, trusted me, wished me luck, believed that I would do great things. I had it made.
But then I came to college. I battled depression (like it was a legitimate battle). I questioned everything. I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. I felt pain. I wanted to go home.
And then suddenly I knew that I couldn't. I saw my mom in October, and knew that things had changed back home, and I knew I was where I was meant to be this year. And I felt comfort. I made friends. I joked, I laughed, I bonded. I learned more about life this year then I have in my past eighteen years put together. I've been able to open up to people that I've only known for weeks, and they know more about me than even my parents do.
I went to Cali with some of my friends L.A. and Jessy. I got pulled over by the cops with other friends Emily, Tyrell, and Ruthie. I made countless A&W runs with 203. I lived with amazing people. I went to concerts. I had bonfires. I flirted a more than healthy amount. I lived near my sister and actually got to spend time with her consistently again.
I learned of my testimony. My own personal testimony. I learned to pray, to have faith that the Lord is aware of me, and is working for my benefit. I learned to love the Book of Mormon. I learned the blessings of tithing.
Am I ready to go home? Is home even home anymore? No...but as Joseph B. Wirthlin once said. "Come what may, and love it." So am I excited to go? No.
But when the time comes as I leave, it'll hurt, but there's more adventure beyond. I have a mission to serve, and then I'll be back here.
One day, I'll be home again, because this, right here, Cache Valley. This is home.