Day 13

Not recent, but here you go.

Hey,

I don't hate you.  I thought I would for the rest of my life, but I don't.  When I finally was able to understand what you did to me, I had to stand there in the rubble of my life, and all I could think was how much I hated you for destroying the perfect life I could have had.  I hated you. People would mention you, and I couldn't handle it.  The thought of your face, or your voice made me so angry, and I would lapse into my own world of self-pity and pain.  I just want you to know, that what happened was not okay.

But I also want you to know that I've forgiven you.  I don't really know what sort of things happened to push you to the point you were at when your life crashed into mine and unraveled everything I wanted.  That's what I realized after spending an eternity of hating you, there was a gleam of light that entered my heart.  What happened to you?  I can see the scars, and the reasons for the pain that pushed you into destroying someone else.  If I had been as broken as you were, would I have made it, or would I have crushed someone smaller? 

It's weird how hate can turn to pity.  Maybe you don't want my pity, but I still haven't reached the point where I can love you.  I just pity you for all that happened to you.  I don't know where you are now, and I won't in this life .Just know, I forgive you.  The hurt you left has healed, the scars are still there, but the pain is gone.

Not really sure what to put here,

Me.

Day 12...

...Proves that I just stole this thing from Tumblr...
This whole how I found out about Tumblr is dumb, but I'll explain it to you, because you're here, and obviously you have nothing better to do, so basically, had a friend in high school, who was really sassy, and she showed me the link to her tumblr, and I wanted to write more, so I made one. The end.

Day 11

My favorite book is The Picture of Dorian Gray.  For being a classic with a theme, I love the fact ta Oscar Wilde is able to teach the moral, without getting extremely preachy.  I love the plot, it's original, and actually really interesting.  The characters are developed, and even though Dorian is kind of a punk, I still find him very captivating, and see myself in him.  I just really love everything about the book, I could read it twice a year and never get bored of it.
This book is actually how I converted someone to the ways of the English majors, so it's a pretty special book in my heart.

Day 10

I'll list the first seven that come to mind for each category. I could go on and on, but I won't.

Songs I listen to when I'm happy:
* "You Belong With Me"
* "Out of My League"
* "Somewhere Only We Know"
* "Thinking of You" - Ke$ha
* "Your Love is My Drug"
* "Love Somebody"
* "Good Time"

Songs I listen to when I'm sad:
* "I'm Still Breathing"
* "Taking Chances"
* "Collide"
* "Leaving on a Jet Plane"
* "Say Something"
* "Don't Give Up"
* "Danny Boy"

Songs I listen to when I'm bored:
* "Party in the USA"
* "Hit Me Baby One More Time"
* "Bye, Bye, Bye"
* "Friday"
* "Candy"
* "I Want it that Way"
* "Numa Numa Song"

Songs I listen to when I'm hyped:
* "Roar"
* "Brave"
* "Take it Off"
* "Blah, Blah, Blah"
* "Stay the Night"
* "Slow Down"
*  "Raise Your Glass"

Songs I listen to when I'm mad:
* "I Do Not Hook Up"
* "Self-inflicted."
* "Part of Me"
* "Call Me When You're Sober"
* "Roar"
* "Mr. Know It All"
* "Tonight, Tonight"

Day 9

Without the attempt of sounding cliche, my biggest achievement was surviving a two year mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I was one of those guys who shows up uninvited at your door, and wants to talk to you about Jesus, and all you can think is "I really don't have time for you."  I spent two years trying to teach and love people in Southern California, while simultaneously trying to learn what I really believed and learning how to love myself for who I am.  

Every single person who has ever served a mission realizes that it's hard, but it's not necessarily the aspects that you think will be hard.  It's random things, when I left I thought it would be hard because of the rejection, and the absence of friends and family, and the hardness of the work.  But those just sort of are life, and they don't make it hard at all.  It was hard for me in unexpected ways. It was hard because I realized there are people I seriously struggle loving. It was hard in the fact that the whole time you feel completely incompetent.  It's hard in the fact that I've never been able to really express how I feel, and that's essential as a missionary, whether you're talking about the gospel and what it means to you, or you're expressing to a companion why you're acting a certain way.  It's hard in the fact that even though it is so hard, you know that your family back home is expecting nice uplifting messages from you, and so you can't turn to them and wallow in self-pity.

And it's those things that make me so proud of surviving.  I did make it. I love myself a little more, I try to love others a little more.  I don't wallow in as much self pity.  I also have learned that rejection is not really that bad, (and now I work in a call-center), and I realized that as incompetent as I feel, I still have gifts and talents, and it is possible to develop and progress, even if right now I feel like I'm not good enough, that just means work harder, I'm not stasis, I can improve, and learn and grow.

Day 8

Short term goals for this month:

* Earn enough money to pay for rent and safety deposit for this summer, because you know that whole independence thing I want.
* Plan something for roommates Birthday. This kid has never once had a Birthday party in his life... Yeah, college is a little late to remedy it, but better now than never.
* Get grades up.  I am passing all of my classes, but I'd like to get Bs or better, just to prove that I can, since Freshman year I didn't try at all.
* Find another job.  I love the money at the call center (I don't know if I've mentioned, I'm one of those guys who calls you up to conduct surveys over the phone... But I am), but I would love to feel like I"m actually helping society, rather than just annoying it.
* Finish this 30 day writing exercise. I need to write, or I just get sad all the time
* Do all my homework on time. Because then my grades will go up.
* Finish season 1 of Modern Family, I just really love that show, because enough characters remind me of my own family, that I kinda really love it.
* Establish a work-out routine, I want to be in shape. That's all.
* Establish a budget, and make myself feel all grown up and stuff.
* Hometeach, I have to feel like I'm still sort of doing my part to share the gospel.
* Finish the Book of Revelation, so that I can get a lot out of the Institute class on the writings of John the Beloved.
* Attend General Conference, and make the most out of it.

Day 7

This is a picture of something that has had a HUGE impact on me. It's called the duck face.  Seriously, my life has been eternally changed due to the discovery of the duck face.  For those who are unfamiliar with the duck face (you will here after be referred to as noobs), I will explain the duck face.  The duck face is created, by puckering your lips as far out as humanly possible, and then trying to push them even further past the limits of physical endurance. While doing this, it is essential to simultaneously, widen your eyes as much as you can, or squeeze them as tightly closed as possible. There is no middle ground on the wideness of your eyes while doing the duck face. Do you feel ridiculous?  Excellent!That means that you have mastered the duck face. It's pretty simple, and yet it's so incredible.


So now you're wondering why this has had such a big impact on my life. Well, let's just say that once you perfect the duck face, it's impossible to return to normal human faces in pictures. Suddenly you look at the pictures and realize you are checking yourself out.  The words "Dang girl/boy!" "Oh hot dang!" "Hnnnnnng!" or "Get some!" probably will come to mind as you see just how attractive you look while imitating a bird.

I also attached a few pictures to show how incredible the duck face is.  It transcends genders, as evidenced by this picture of my friend and I.  It is even used by religious ministers/missionaries, as evidenced in the picture to the side of this.  

For any of you noobs out there who have not quite mastered the duck face, keep trying.  I personally know that the duck face will change your life, because it changed mine. In this day and age where every little thing we do warrants a selfie immediately uploaded to instagram, twitter, and facebook, it sure is nice to have a facial expression to rely on for each photo, rather than relying on that same boring old smile you have. Who cares that everyone you've ever talked to has said you've got a great smile?