Dwarfs

Once upon someone asked me what I knew about dwarfs, and I was disappointed to realize that I did not know very much on this subject. So, like all good, curious writers, I decided to go research dwarfs and what I found was a strange mixture of surprising answers,and a load of new questions that I could not find the answers too.
Did you know that being a dwarf is now a very happy life? Only 1 in 7 dwarfs will admit to honestly being happy. It's kind of a sad statistic, but it's true. Ask any of the other six dwarfs in that set if they are happy. They will tell you that they are not, but that that one over there, the one with the cheesy smile always plastered on his face, he's actually happy.
Did you know that in dwarfish communities one dwarf takes one for the team and does all the sneezing for the entire community. Think about how nice that wold be, unless you are the dwarf who is the designated sneezer. How do they decide this, you might ask? It seems to be a random phenomenon, that occurs once a group of dwarfs have lived together for a week straight. Then randomly they all stop sneezing except for one. SO the question is, if you are a dwarf, would you rather live in a smaller community, where there's a greater chance of you becoming the sneezer, but where as the sneezer you won't get too many sneezes, or would you rather choose a large community, where there's a smaller chance of becoming the sneezer, but if you are, the sneezer, good luck accomplishing anything else in your life.
Really though, dwarfs are rather secretive, and therefore, I came up with many more questions than answers when studying them.
For example, are dwarfish parents psychic? How does a dwarf know what their baby will be like when they grow up? They're dead on 99.999999% of the time when naming their children. It seems like dwarfs have the ability to sense the one-dimensional character that their child will grow up to become, and name him accordingly. Seems pretty impressive to me, unless of course it's an inherited character that they receive, and then it's just lame.
Why has no one discovered a cure for those narcoleptic dwarfs? It's a tragic situation when a dwarf is a narcoleptic, and can do nothing with his life, but sleep the days away. You'd think that with a dwarf named Doc in the community, they might just be able to find some sort of cure for this terrible disease, but alas, they have not managed to succeed yet.
Why are dwarfs so cruel? They're obsessed with labels, and will do nothing but force the other dwarfs to live up to the label they have been tagged with. When a parent names their child Dopey, they are condemning that poor child to a life of ignorance. Not necessarily because there is anything wrong with the child (although that could actually be a possibility, now that I think about it, because let's face it, if your parents were to name you Dopey, their was probably something wrong with them, and so you might just have inherited that as well as your one-dimensional character), but it's the fact that somewhere along the line someone labeled another dwarf as being 'dopey,' and that label stuck, so no one ever bothered to try and help the poor dopey dwarf grow up and actually learn how to do anything.
This is just the surface layer of my studies, but I feel as though an entire new world of research has opened up to me as I study the lives of dwarfs. Wish me luck as I continue my research.