I've realized recently that I have been far to happy to just sort of coast under the radar lately. I get average to below average grades. My class attendance is abysmal... or worse than abysmal...it's actually down right pathetic. I haven't been to Institute in months (I went for the first time in ten forevers today...and it was a nice). I've been slacking socially, becoming reclusive, and moody, and a lot of just all around annoying things. I'm working on it though... I had a nice wake up call this weekend where I realized that I've been too happy about drifting. I haven't written anything that really is super important to me in months. I mean I have a tumblr where I post random thoughts, which although they have entertainment value (I'm so humble), really have no substance...and I've posted a couple of blog entries in the last few months, but again they were just there because I felt like readers might like updates, not because they had any particular substance...
All of my life I've had this feeling that there is so much I can do in my life. There are so many people that I can love, there are so many words I can write, so much good I can do...and yet I've been doing nothing to get me close to the potential I've always felt I have. I've been a pathetic waste of space for this entire semester. Moody, and just all around stupid. I'm tired of this. I'm working on this.
I'm still not perfect...I never will be, and I'll accept that (someday)...but I'm trying again...at least I hope I am. I want to be the person that I keep picturing I have the potential. I want to be a good friend, the kind of friend I have in my roommate, quick to forgive, patient when other people are careless, willing to move on and accept that people make mistakes, understanding when that loser he lives with (oh yeah, that's me) is an all around jerk...I can't be that person unless I learn to forgive others, and work hard on looking past people's mistakes to see the big picture that creates the good in people.
I guess what I'm trying to get at, is just to say that I'm sorry, and I'm trying harder. I've been so dumb this semester, and I'm sorry I've been venting to you guys so much, and I'm sorry that I've been such a prick...please have patience as I try and reform myself into something that's closer to what I feel my real potential is.
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