Stream of Consciousness...

It's not that I'm unafraid... heck, I'm terrified. There are a thousand excuses that keep hurtling themselves into my path, and if I stop and examine them long enough I start to get scared that I might be making the wrong step. But I know, I KNOW that there's one reason to go, and that's where I have to place whatever faith I have, which sometimes feels like it's smaller than that famous mustard seed.
I'm serving a mission because I love my brothers and sisters across the world, and in particular, the Carlsbad, California area. I don't know them personally, yet, but I want them all to have the happiness I have in this gospel. I want to teach of our Heavenly Father's love. I want to testify that I know what happens after this life, that I know that families are forever, that Jesus Christ is my Savior, that He has suffered for my sins, and he has suffered for their sins.
It's two years of my life, and at the time when half of my brain is screaming about how incredibly long that amount of time is, the other half is convincing me that it's not enough time. Two years is nothing, can I even do anything in two years that's worthwhile to the Kingdom of God? Will I be good enough to be able to get everything I can out of those two years, or will I have to grow up so much in those two years, that I won't even be able to do the things the Lord would have me do?
I think that's what scares me. I feel inadequate. I'm kind of scrawny, awkward, annoying...
But then I remember that the Lord prepares and strengthens those He has called, and He has called me. He wants me to be a missionary, and in the next two years, when I need Him, He'll be there for me.
When I look at it like that, the fear flees, and I can't wait to go. There is no greater joy than doing the work of the Lord. That's where I've put my faith.