Day 9

Without the attempt of sounding cliche, my biggest achievement was surviving a two year mission for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I was one of those guys who shows up uninvited at your door, and wants to talk to you about Jesus, and all you can think is "I really don't have time for you."  I spent two years trying to teach and love people in Southern California, while simultaneously trying to learn what I really believed and learning how to love myself for who I am.  

Every single person who has ever served a mission realizes that it's hard, but it's not necessarily the aspects that you think will be hard.  It's random things, when I left I thought it would be hard because of the rejection, and the absence of friends and family, and the hardness of the work.  But those just sort of are life, and they don't make it hard at all.  It was hard for me in unexpected ways. It was hard because I realized there are people I seriously struggle loving. It was hard in the fact that the whole time you feel completely incompetent.  It's hard in the fact that I've never been able to really express how I feel, and that's essential as a missionary, whether you're talking about the gospel and what it means to you, or you're expressing to a companion why you're acting a certain way.  It's hard in the fact that even though it is so hard, you know that your family back home is expecting nice uplifting messages from you, and so you can't turn to them and wallow in self-pity.

And it's those things that make me so proud of surviving.  I did make it. I love myself a little more, I try to love others a little more.  I don't wallow in as much self pity.  I also have learned that rejection is not really that bad, (and now I work in a call-center), and I realized that as incompetent as I feel, I still have gifts and talents, and it is possible to develop and progress, even if right now I feel like I'm not good enough, that just means work harder, I'm not stasis, I can improve, and learn and grow.

Day 8

Short term goals for this month:

* Earn enough money to pay for rent and safety deposit for this summer, because you know that whole independence thing I want.
* Plan something for roommates Birthday. This kid has never once had a Birthday party in his life... Yeah, college is a little late to remedy it, but better now than never.
* Get grades up.  I am passing all of my classes, but I'd like to get Bs or better, just to prove that I can, since Freshman year I didn't try at all.
* Find another job.  I love the money at the call center (I don't know if I've mentioned, I'm one of those guys who calls you up to conduct surveys over the phone... But I am), but I would love to feel like I"m actually helping society, rather than just annoying it.
* Finish this 30 day writing exercise. I need to write, or I just get sad all the time
* Do all my homework on time. Because then my grades will go up.
* Finish season 1 of Modern Family, I just really love that show, because enough characters remind me of my own family, that I kinda really love it.
* Establish a work-out routine, I want to be in shape. That's all.
* Establish a budget, and make myself feel all grown up and stuff.
* Hometeach, I have to feel like I'm still sort of doing my part to share the gospel.
* Finish the Book of Revelation, so that I can get a lot out of the Institute class on the writings of John the Beloved.
* Attend General Conference, and make the most out of it.

Day 7

This is a picture of something that has had a HUGE impact on me. It's called the duck face.  Seriously, my life has been eternally changed due to the discovery of the duck face.  For those who are unfamiliar with the duck face (you will here after be referred to as noobs), I will explain the duck face.  The duck face is created, by puckering your lips as far out as humanly possible, and then trying to push them even further past the limits of physical endurance. While doing this, it is essential to simultaneously, widen your eyes as much as you can, or squeeze them as tightly closed as possible. There is no middle ground on the wideness of your eyes while doing the duck face. Do you feel ridiculous?  Excellent!That means that you have mastered the duck face. It's pretty simple, and yet it's so incredible.


So now you're wondering why this has had such a big impact on my life. Well, let's just say that once you perfect the duck face, it's impossible to return to normal human faces in pictures. Suddenly you look at the pictures and realize you are checking yourself out.  The words "Dang girl/boy!" "Oh hot dang!" "Hnnnnnng!" or "Get some!" probably will come to mind as you see just how attractive you look while imitating a bird.

I also attached a few pictures to show how incredible the duck face is.  It transcends genders, as evidenced by this picture of my friend and I.  It is even used by religious ministers/missionaries, as evidenced in the picture to the side of this.  

For any of you noobs out there who have not quite mastered the duck face, keep trying.  I personally know that the duck face will change your life, because it changed mine. In this day and age where every little thing we do warrants a selfie immediately uploaded to instagram, twitter, and facebook, it sure is nice to have a facial expression to rely on for each photo, rather than relying on that same boring old smile you have. Who cares that everyone you've ever talked to has said you've got a great smile?

Day 6

Captain America is the man (in the good kind of way, not in the School of Rock kind of way). He's my favorite in the Marvel world, Batman is my hands down favorite, but overall I prefer the Marvel, world, so I guess I'm just going to stick with Captain America for this post.
Up front I feel like you should know that I actually have never EVER read a single comic book in my life.  I have always loved super heroes, but never crossed that bridge, so I might be very uninformed, especially since it's been over two years since I watched the movie, and I didn't know until about two days ago that the Winter Soldier is Bucky... awkward...
Anywho, the reason I think Captain America is so great, is because of the person that he is.  All super heroes are noble, and they fight for what is right, just, and true, but Captain America is different.  He fights for all of that, but while all the other super heroes feign modesty by hiding their identity, but only truly do that to protect loved ones, Captain America is different.  He's just a humble kid from Brooklyn who wants to help, and is given the chance to. His humility just seems more genuine than other superheroes, and that makes him seem more noble to me. So there you go, there's just a humble nobility that I respect immensely.

Day 5

This is a sign for Teton Valley.  I spent a lot of weeks and weekends there, when I was growing up.  My grandma lives in Teton Valley, and I am thoroughly convinced that the state of Idaho has some of the most beautiful scenery in the entire world. Not just in the Teton Valley, but all over the place. 

I remember the second time I ever went skiing was here.  I remember growing up and being too young to go skiing and spending long days alone with my mom and grandma, while the rest of the family would go skiing. I remember one year when my sister stayed home to, and asking "How do you know Darth Vader likes cookies?"  She was really confused, and then I said, "Because he says it all the time.  Coo-kie, coo-kie, coo-kie." Oddly enough I got that joke from the girl mentioned in last post.

I remember magnetic marbles, they were the coolest toys my grandma ever had.  And it was so exciting to make patterns with them.  I remember all the books she had, and just loving to go there and sit back and read.  I remember the worst stomach ache of my life happened there, I woke up crying, because it hurt so badly, and I remember getting to sleep in the loft that night.  I remember I got extremely dehydrated once, and was so proud that I only had to go to the bathroom twice in one day (I was about 5), and my grandma got really worried about me.

I remember watching hot air balloons take off on the fourth of July at 4 in the morning. I remember that my dad once drove me into town nine miles just so I could see the fireworks, and neither of us really enjoyed the show, so we drove back.  I remember trying to be the first in the car to see Grammy's cabin, and straining my eyes the whole way.  I remember watching Clue and Mystery Men at young impressionable ages, and having nightmares because of Clue (a movie, which I now absolutely love).  I remember Grammy taking just me out to go sledding, and spending that time together.

I remember catching my first fish, and eating it. It tasted so good, but I'm pretty sure that was the taste of pride. I remember spending a week there by myself and being told I was so much like my dad, and relishing in the compliment.  I remember making a piece of wood in kindergarten.  It was really just a piece of wood that i had colored with a marker and stuck stickers on, and I presented it to Grammy, quivering with pride at how much of handy man I was.  I remember seeing it again in her study, years later and realizing what a piece of junk it was, while simultaneously being flattered that she had kept it for so long.

I remember waking up early in the morning to sit next to the wood-stove because it was so cold in her house.  I remember sleeping in the storage room because there was nowhere else for me to go, and wondering what one single woman could do with that much food.

So that was me being extremely sentimental.  I could have gone for pages, but I feel like I probably have put you to sleep by this point.

Day 4

This one is about a habit I wish I didn't have...

I think mine is falling in love for excessive amounts of time, and becoming reliant on the individual that I've fallen in love with.  That's a big annoyance.  Rewind the clocks to Freshman year. There was this girl that I convinced myself for thirteen years that I was in love with.  I get here, I end up obsessing over her, freaking out about how she spends time with other guys and very little time with me, listening to every sappy love song, taking long walks at midnight just to contemplate us, and overall making myself crazy.  I ended up failing a class (which I am no retaking, having learned more from the experience than any regular biology class could have taught me) because I had a class before it with her, and I preferred walking her home rather than going to the biology class.  It's just dumb.
This isn't the only case either, I live in this fantasy world where a perfect love story will make up for everything else.  I think I'm finally breaking myself out of it, but it is a really annoying habit to fall in love almost all the time, and then end up throwing away a lot of my own potential to be with that person I'm in love with.  I need to get over that whole dealio.

Day 3

Here's a picture of me and some of my friends.  I don't currently have a lot of pictures anymore, since my last laptop died, and I didn't really back anything up (thank goodness for Spotify, and facebook), but this is from Spring Break two weeks ago.  I got to go back with my best friend and roommate to my mission.  It was incredible.

This is a group from my first area.  When I started my mission I was so scared, like every other missionary, just not knowing what to do, and these three families just took me under their wing and took care of me. They all followed me through my entire mission, and I got to see them randomly at all the biggest and most miraculous moments of my mission, and I feel so incredibly lucky to have made such incredible friends from my mission.  I love them.

Day 2

5 Things I dislike about myself:
1. I'm extremely jealous.  If I like you, I get protective. I don't want to say clingy, but I'm pretty sure it comes across that way.  I just want to spend time with the people that I love. I'm struggling right now with that. I'm just kind of filled with negative feelings right now, even though we never promised each other anything.

2. I have a tendency of pushing people away.  I'm afraid of people.  In general, I have this fear that I'll never measure up to what people want me to be, even though I know that I'm a good guy and I have loyal friends, I fear that when the real trials come they'll leave, so I push them away instead.

3. I don't like that I sometimes choose to put on an act.  I want to be a genuine version of me, but when I get into certain situations, especially around a lot of my family, I feel the need to pretend to be something I'm not, rather than just be myself.

4. I wish that I had spent the first 18 years of my life working on a farm. I don't like the fact that I'm a city kid.  I wish that I had grown up in the country, working hard, so I could be in shape and know how to work hard, and feel like I had marketable skills.

5. I wish that I was a little more masculine.  Sometimes I just feel like every other man in the world secretly considers me not part of the man club... And it's not that I desperately want to be a part of the man club.  I just kind of would like to have a few more guy friends.  Sometimes I need man-time.

Things I like about myself.
1. I am funny.  I was told all through high school by kids in my classes that I was funny, and I never really believed them, but I think I finally am starting to understand that I have some pretty good wit, and I can make other people laugh.

2.  I am loyal.  Once I know someone is there for me, I am fiercely loyal to them.  I will be by your side forever if I know that I am safe with you.

3. I'm loving.  That was the number one thing I learned on my mission, every time I got a compliment from a companion or a leader it was always something about the charity I have or the kindness I exude.

4. Not to get prideful, but I think I'm actually pretty good looking.  I'm tall, I've got a killer smile, overall, I think I'm pretty easy on the eyes.  Not that I've always been this way, if you saw me in puberty with the pubescent mustache, acne, and random razor burn/sliced up face, you would have run the other way, but puberty was good to me.

5. I have a pretty good command of words.  I may not be the greatest writer to ever walk this earth, but darn it, I have a pretty decent ability to weave words together in a way that I consider beautiful, and I've gotten quite a few compliments, so it's not just me.

Day 1

15 Facts about me:

1. I get along really well with old people.  On my mission my favorite investigators were all the old people.  I just really like spending time with ladies.

2.  My favorite book in the whole wide world is The Picture of Dorian Gray. I feel like I'm a combination of Basil, Lord Henry, and Dorian.

3. I absolutely love everything about Batman. I own every Batman movie ever made, including the one from the 1960s with Adam West.

4. Food is the number one love of my life.  People will let you down, but food never will.  Wow, that makes me sound like some overly emotional teenager...

5. My biggest dream is to settle down in the country somewhere and write books, with someone who I love, and a family.  I just want to live in Rupert Idaho forever.

6. My art has taken a serious blow since returning home from my mission.  There's a whole new side of me that's trying to show up in everything I write, and I'm just kind of trying to smother that side of it, while trying to express it.

7. I am highly annoyed with people who are fake. It is okay to not be perfect,it is okay to not like people. Don't put on a facade just to make other people like you, just don't go there

8. I love to ballroom dance.  I once placed third in an tango competition, and it was fantastic.

9. I almost always am driven by my heart. I have a tendency of becoming as much like the person I am in love with at any given time. Which is a problem, because it makes the whole developing myself business a little more difficult.

10. I talk to myself in the car, every single time I'm alone in my car.  I thought that this was normal, but I pocket-dialed a girl once, and she got kinda judgy.... So I'm not really sure if it's normal or not.... Doesn't stop me though.

11. I love 90s music.  There's nothing like a good Backstreet Boys *Nsync, or Britney Spears throwbacks song to cheer me up.

12. I don't expect to get married any time soon.  Everyone here is obsessed with dating and marriage.  There's this insane focus on finding an eternal companion, and a strange obsession with how the only way to be happy is to have that relationship, and I just don't think that it'll happen anytime soon for me.

13. I crave independence. I seriously hate when other people try to take care of me, or are required to take care of me.  All I want is to have a job where I have enough money to support myself entirely, and never have to rely on anyone else.

14. I'm observant.  I have an ability to notice things about people that they aren't really aware that they show.

15. I'm ready to enter a new phase of my life.  I've spent way too long doing the same things, moping over the same stupid things in my life, and I'm ready to break the bounds that I've set and charge forward.

A New World

Oh hey, long time, no see.
Oh wait, I still can't see you... Oh well.
I'm a do this again to re-introduce myself.  I'm a whole new person now.
Day 01- 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- 5 things you like and 5 things you dislike about yourself
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends and what the picture means to you
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to and the memories that follow
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has had a big impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Biggest achievement in your eyes
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Favorite book and why
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iTunes on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- 10 anonymous things that you would like to say to people
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have and why do have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- The simple things that make you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you are craving
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What do you think about your friends?
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 30- Who are you?