...

... I... realized... that... I... have... an... unhealthy... obsession... with... ellipses... It's... actually... pretty... ridiculous... how... much... I... use... them... Thanks... for... letting... me... waste... your... time... with... this... blog...

Day Seventeen

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Umm, honestly I don't know. I like being who I am. Sure life isn't always one hundred percent peachy-keen, but I'm who and where I want to be...mostly. There's always room to improve, but I believe that wanting to be someone else is kind of a sign of low self-esteem. I like being me. I don't have high self-esteem, but I like me, so there you have it.

Day Sixteen (Late..Again)

Day 16- 10 anonymous things that you would like to say to people

1. "Holy cow I miss you like nobody's business!! We seriously need to spend pretty much all Christmas break hanging out!"
2. "Thanks for the empty cardboard box, you have no idea how excited I was when I found that on my doorstep. My face seriously did this :D, accept probably a bigger smile."
3. "I'm glad you haven't tried to get us back. I guess you know that you can't beat us stealing your furniture."
4. "Hey, so I think you're attractive and funny...but I'm glad someone else has my heart, because something about you rubs me the wrong way. So I'm gonna have to ask you to stop showing up everywhere I go. Kay, thanks, bye."
5. "Okay we go to the same school, why have I not ever seen you on campus...at all this year?"
6. "I'm sorry I didn't call this summer...I wanted to, but I didn't want to cause us anymore pain. We both knew from day one that I would be leaving in a year, and yet we got to be such amazingly awesome friends. I really want to apologize, but now I don't think you'll ever forgive me. I miss you though Taylor, seriously, I'm sorry." (so much for anonymity there).
7. "You best be coming up for the game. We will cream you, and then I will take you out to ice cream here to make up for your hurt pride. Sound good to you?"
8. "Hey you and me need to practice dancing. Dance party in the hall in five minutes? Okay I'll be there."
9. "Hey so I haven't talked to you in a while. We still are going to go look out over the valley at first snow fall, right? I hope so, because I really am planning on it still. Plus we shook on it, that makes that legit."
10. "Thank you whoever turned off the fire alarm, you are my hero."

Day Fifteen

Day 15- Put your iTunes on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

1. "That's What You Get" - Paramore.
2. "Gold Digger" - Glee Cast.
3. "How You Remind Me" - From a mix CD I got
4. "Baptism Hymn" - Jon Schmidt
5. "Spotlight (Twilight Mix)" - MuteMath
6. "My Confession" - Josh Groban
7. "Reclusion" - Anberlin
8. "Beautiful Savior" - Rob Gardner
9. "Shepherd Moons" - Enya
10. "Man on the Moon" - R.E.M.

There you go.

Day Fourteen

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Honestly I've tried to avoid posting real pictures of things, but this group is important to me...so yeah this is us.

Day Thirteen, less late than Day Twelve

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Hey,
Just wondering, what the heck happened this past month. Seriously, I'm really confused. This summer, we had such awesome plans as to what we would be doing over the school year, because you and I would finally be 'you and I.' Now we don't hang out at all. I never see you. You act upset about that, but every time we get together, you just ignore me. If you aren't interested, tell me. I'm sick of this stupid 'hey I miss you, do you want to come to this thing that I'm going to? Oh by the way I'm planning on ignoring you once you get here, because honestly I just like the attention, and really I don't care about you at all. I just care that it looks like I have guys who are interested in me.' No you're not really that bad, I just honestly want you to choose one message to send to me, and keep it at that. Mixed signals...they get kinda old. Just though you should know that.

Day Twelve....Late, as in WAY late.

Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one

Actually I didn't make a Tumblr...but I found out about it from Rachel Swinney's Tumblr account. That girl seriously cracks me up. I always miss Lil' Miss... whenever I need some sarcastic negative comments I go read her blog, or facebook creep on her, which is only right, because she's a facebook creeper too.

Day Eleven

My favorite book, honestly is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It' not really the most popular of J.K. Rowling's series, but honestly it truly is her best. It's the book where Harry is really forced to grow up and handle things by himself. Not until the fifth book was Harry forced into situations where he actually had to grow up.
Honestly I love books where there is some sort of forced growth. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I love it. Honestly that's really the main reason that's my favorite in the series. And That's my favorite series, so it just makes sense that that would be my favorite book.

New Favorite Character-Type

Something is fascinating about a character that is a fallen hero. Something in their past has to have changed them to such a major extent that they no longer want to be a hero, but instead go about undoing everything heroic they ever did. It's fascinating to think about.
The fallen hero is also the type that makes a really good bad guy. This person once was trusted by pretty much the whole world. Everyone loved this type of character at some point, and now suddenly they're the bad guy. The way they would interact with others, the way others would interact with them...there's a whole fascinating existence to the fallen hero. Plus being a bad guy, well they're trusted by everyone when they first go bad, and so they have potential to do so much damage. How far would a fallen hero be able to go before being discovered? How much damage would they allow themselves to do when part of them knows that they still have a part of them that cares about the people they are hurting?
Bad guys are always fascinating to explore and wonder about, but the fallen hero...there's so much that can be explored there, and so I'm working on that. I don't have a fallen hero in my novel...but there are other stories going on in my head right now that revolve solely around my fallen hero.

Day Ten

Happy Songs: "Come What May" Moulin Rouge, "I'll Make A Man Out of You," Mulan, and "Haven't Met You Yet" Michael Buble "Hey Juliet" LMNT
Sad Songs: "Roxanne" Moulin Rouge "I Heard Him Come" someone random, "I'm Still Breathing" Katy Perry, "Self-Inflicted" Katy Perry, and a lot of random instrumental stuff like Pride and Prejudice and How To Train Your Dragon.
Bored Songs: Generally anything when I'm bored, because being bored puts me in a "meh, whatevs." type mood, so I don't really care.
Hyped: "I gotta Feelin'" Black Eyed Peas, "Tik Tok" Ke$ha, "Your Love is My Drug" Ke$ha, "Don't Stop Believin'" Glee Cast
Mad: "Roxanne" Moulin Rouge (this is just my bad day song/emotion filled song), "Highway to..." well I figure you know the title Glee version...I don't own the AC/DC version...but I want it. "Gives you..." the same word All American Rejects.

Note that there are plenty of other songs that fit into all these categories, these were just some songs that stick out to me right now. I'll probably look at this list later, and be like "what the heck was I thinking?" but for now...

Cracks Me Up

So there is a guy here at school with me who is an English major like myself, and he has the funniest shirt...possibly ever. Or maybe it's just funny to English majors, I'm not sure, but when I read it I laughed. Here's what it says, "Your retarded." Just think about it. It's funny, you know it is.

Day Nine

My biggest achievement: I still breathe today. That's huge right now, so that's it. Not glamorous, just the truth.

I Wonder

How many people like statuses on facebook just to get notifications?
Will you notice that this post just got longer?
What would this world be like without facebook? There was a time when facebook didn't exist, but now...it's hard to imagine what life was like before facebook. Currently my internet won't let me on to facebook, and so I'm just wondering...how should I waste my time now?
Why does the radio not play Katy Perry's good music?
How does our kitchen get so messy in a week?

We're Guys...We Really Need to Learn to Communicate.

This happens every night. Tyrell gets into bed turns on his laptop, and sits in bed. I get my laptop and climb into my bed, and LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON!!! We still have them on, because, I don't even know we just kind of fail at that, so I gotta fix this whole situation.

Day Eight, Because It Is In Fact 12:00 Here

Short term goals for the month.
Begin and stay with the 40 Days closer to Christ program.
Go on at least one date, must be something cheap though, because I am ridiculously poor.
Go swimming everyday for a week, just to try it out.
Learn to Tango and Foxtrot.
Catch up on homework.
Magnify calling
Read Lysistrata, A Raisin in the Sun, A Doll's House, Step on a Crack, and The Great Gatsby.
Grow closer to roommates.
Gain self-confidence, less belittling remarks about everyone (including and especially self) so that I feel better.

That's about it.

"Take my hand. I'll take the lead, and every turn will be safe with me. Don't be afraid, afraid to fall. You know I'll catch you through it all."
My cheesy side is jamming out to HSM3, and those are some words I wish I had the courage to say.

Day Seven

Okay, so something that has had a big impact on me is the temple. I really want to live so that someday I can go there with someone I love and be sealed to them for time and all eternity. I want a love so epic that we will want to be together even after death. Settling for "til death do you part," well that doesn't work for me. This building has impacted me, because it's made me realize how much love is important to me, and how much I need to work so that I can go there someday to be sealed.

Day Six (On Time)

My all time favorite "superhero" is one of my character's Iolana. She isn't really well known right now though, so I thought I would attach a picture of my second favorite Rogue.
Iolana is pretty much the most awesome kick-butt person with superpowers ever. I don't think she actually qualifies as a superhero though, because she really misses several points most superheros have. She does not have a secret identity, or even another identity, she is always who she is. She is not out to save the world, she is driven more by a need for human contact and a thirst for revenge, so she doesn't always do the most noble thing. She's a fascinating character to get into her head though, and that's why I like her so much.
Rogue is my second favorite, because she also is hungry for human contact, and that's sometimes a fascinating motivation to explore.

Day Five (Late)

This was where my family went on vacation one year...I think after fourth grade, but I actually am not really sure. This was the best vacation I ever had. That was the house we stayed in at Oceanside Oregon. It was awesome!!!! First off if you ever go there, remember that it's Oceanside, not Lincoln City, just sayin. If you end up in Lincoln City you probably went too far, unless you're coming from like Washington (the state) or something.
I remember we played James Bond on those decks, and I remember that my family watched Daria almost every night. The ocean was cold, and there were crabs on the beach that were to small to be seen easily, but big enough to pinch, but I went to the beach a lot anyways.
Tilamook,the cheese factory and the city, was like five minutes away, and they had the most delicious Huckleberry ice cream...possibly ever.
Good times.

Day Four

I really wish I didn't have the habit of planning. I"m sort of a perfectionist when it comes to plans, and life NEVER let's plans happen. No matter how hard you try to live up to a plan, life screws it over entirely. It annoys the heck out of me when I put so much work into planning stuff out and then having them fall apart around you. I had the perfect plan for a while back, and now it looks like hardly any of it will come to pass, despite all of my efforts to try and make it happen. I still plan on being a writer, but the rest...well we'll see if I actually make it where I planned. And yes I've heard the way to get to your goals and plans is to pan a way to get there. Well I did that, but what do you do when life makes those plans fall apart. Plan for your plans to fail? That makes no sense, and that's why I wish I didn't make plans as much. Or at least I wouldn't get so upset when my plans fall apart.

Day Three

This would be a picture of me and my friends. We're pretty much awesome. No I'm not crazy, I actually believe that I'm a lot like Hiccup, and I have friends like most of the other characters, so there you go. This picture means awesomeness to me! Favorite movie ever, comes out a month from yesterday on DVD! Cannot wait!!!

You Better Be Using Those to Eat.

Seriously people, the chopsticks in the cafeteria are a privilege not a right. Please no more 15 minute drum solos, I think I'll go crazy next time.

Day Two

5 Things I like about me:
1. I think I am funny. Not hilarious, but I can generally get people to laugh at things I say or at least get the ornery people to crack a smile. Something about me seems to put people at ease, and I like that.
2. I have a passion. I think passionless people are boring, but when you have a passion, you are a lot more exciting. My passion is writing, and I live to write and entertain.
3. I care about people. I love to listen to people, and I love to do whatever I can to brighten people's days when I know life isn't going so hot for them. Generally I think that's a good character trait to have.
4. I'm sort of tall in the groups I hang out with. I noticed how much I like being tall when I got into my dorm and discovered I was the second shortest, it's not so fun when you think of yourself as short, but I'm somewhere in the range of 6'1'' or 6'2''.
5. I'm fairly book smart, so classes are generally easy for me. I hope it stays that way in college, but we'll see as time goes by here.

5 Things I dislike about me:
1. I don't ever ask people to clarify. I don't know what it is, but it probably has something to do with my excessive amounts of pride
2. I've always been thrown into the 'just friends' zone with girls. It gets kind of old after a while. Sometimes I get taken out of it for a grand total of five seconds so said girl can check to see what it would be like, and then she throws me back into the same zone as before.
3. I can't dance, like at all actually. I'm working on it, but we'll see how well it works out.
4. I let people tell me what I can and cannot do, I never let myself risk trying to fail, because people say I can't do some things, and therefore, I can't do some things. Way to go me.
5. I'm not a very good planner. I should have done this blog in reverse order so that I could end writing on a positive note, but instead I just totally attacked my self esteem. This blog did to my self-esteem what a red pen on an essay does to an eighth grader...not really, but I really should have done it backwards.

Dirty Copier

Day 01- 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- 5 things you like and 5 things you dislike about yourself
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends and what the picture means to you
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to and the memories that follow
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has had a big impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Biggest achievement in your eyes
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Favorite book and why
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iTunes on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- 10 anonymous things that you would like to say to people
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have and why do have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- The simple things that make you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you are craving
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What do you think about your friends?
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 30- Who are you?

Day 1: I'll try and make these things I haven't written before.
1. I'm a sucker for brown hair combined with any eye color but brown. I will never sing the song "Brown Eyed Girl," because throughout all of my life I've never fallen for a brown eyed girl...ever. Of course personality is important, but all the girls I've fallen for have had the perfect combination of personality and above mentioned eye and hair colored.
2. I don't brag about myself enough to strangers. I fear that I'll come off as conceited if I say anything good about myself, so when people ask if I'm a good writer I say "I'm alright." That needs to end, seriously I am an AMAZING writer, and people need to know it. No one is going to buy a book that's only "alright."
3. My back up occupation, that I actually sort of am interested in, like a lot, is massage therapy. The only problem is I have an overwhelming need for modesty, so we'll see how that goes.
4. I don't actually want to be filthy rich. I mean I'm not against the idea, but it's not anywhere near the top of my priorities, if I have love for my job and a family behind me that I can support, I will be far happier than if I live with buckets of money.
5. I actually liked the movie Moulin Rouge...not LOVED, but I liked it. It wasn't the cleanest movie ever (actually there's a good distance between the two), but it was still well written, and Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor were amazing in their roles, so it was good there.
6. My favorite character I've written about was one not based on myself, but based off one of my friends. Her name is Iolana, and she is by far the most complex and deadly character I have ever written about, and I keep adding new things to her story, because I love working with her so much.
7. Most nights I can't get to sleep unless I run over my story in my head. I always like to think of what my characters could be doing at that moment, and it helps me get to sleep. Weird I know, but it helps me get to know these character so well.
8. I LOVE Jones Hall. There are no strings attached to this love, and it is not a crush. This is full out love. Jones Hall is about the coolest place you could ever live if you came here, so yeah I love this place...like a lot.
9. I like sleeping with my face towards the wall. It might have something to do with the fact that it's darker facing the wall because I can't see my roommate's laptop screen anymore.
10. My favorite classic I've ever read was Kate Chopin's "The Awakening." It was perhaps one of the best written books I've ever read. It wasn't too long, and it was awesome to analyze. I feel like I got more analysis pleasure out of that book than any other book, except for maybe "The Great Gatsby."
11. I gave my first Priesthood Blessing Sunday. It was a terrifying and amazing experience. I hope that it was just a good experience to the girl I gave the blessing to, but I'm not actually sure. I loved how close I felt to the Holy Ghost though when I mentioned the authority of the holy Melchizedek Priesthood I hold. There was a confirmation that I did in fact have the authority to stand in for Christ in that situation.
12. I'm good at small talk, but terrible at serious conversation. I like to entertain, and not have to share my innermost thoughts with people in person.
13. I seriously am technologically impaired. I might as well be 80 the way I use technology. Someone has to explain how to use iPods, phones, and most TVs to me before I can actually do anything. It's pretty pathetic.
14. I'm not ready to grow up yet, but I'm in college and on my own. I don't know how I'll ever learn to grow up, but I guess right now I'm learning the hard way.
15. There was a time in my life when I did not want to serve a mission. You'll be happy to know that now I want to serve one, because I want to serve one, not because other people want me to. I seriously cannot wait until I can fill out my papers and send them in!

A Letter

Dear TSC Bookstore,
I love you so much. Honestly I could waste hours and hours with you, and be happy about it, but you have to let me focus on my studies. Stop pulling me in with good deals on the classics. I'm a poor man! You must have known that when you got us wrapped up in this relationship, and yet you still insist on tempting me to spend all of my money on you. If you could give me a good discount, or just giving me the tenth book free, I would be absolutely okay with this relationship, but you aren't doing anything of the sort. Seriously, I didn't have $5 to spend today, but you pulled me in because you're so close to my food source, and I saw your Oscar Wilde books. No I didn't need copies of "The Importance of being Earnest" or "The Picture of Dorian Gray," but now I own them. Now I'm going to have to go sell plasma to continue our relationship. I'm not really angry with you, just sad that our relationship is so costly.
I still love you,
Zelos

Self-Esteem?

I don't understand what's wrong in this society. What's wrong with us guys? We deal with women who's self-esteem is crumbling every second of their life, and what do we do, nothing. How hard is it to say 'you look really nice' to a woman. I don't get it. If we understood even slightly what girls go through (and I'm not pretending I do, I just have friends who have had melt-downs on me)I hope we would be a little more appreciative, rather than critical and cruel. Seriously, the women in our lives deserve some sort of award for all the work they go through just to even get a nod of approval from us, and what do we do, nothing. It's pathetic. I personally refuse to stand for this anymore, my goal is to make sure I never ruin a woman's self-esteem again.

My Confession

I have the hardest time ever being able to voice my emotions. I don't like to talk about my true feelings, but I love talking to other people about their feelings. Sometimes, though you just need to talk about your real feelings, and even though I know you don't even know this blog exists, you need to understand what you are to me.
I don't even know how many times I've told myself I'm over you. I don't know if you're stringing me along. I never get to see you. And yet I stand here waiting for one sincere nod from you, and I'm ready to take jump. I love you. I want to shout it out on the housetops, but I'm afraid you don't feel the same way about me, and so I hold back, afraid that it will ruin everything if I say what I feel.
I know it's cliche, but it's true, you honestly have made me a better person. My world exploded when I thought you were totally indifferent to me, because I can't imagine my life without your influence. If you move on when I leave on my mission, I will have to accept that, and take God's help as I try to move on, but I don't want to regret not telling you that I honestly love you. That would be the biggest regret of my life, wondering if only I had had the courage to admit what you mean to me, we might have ended up happy together forever.

So Much For That Plan

So honestly one of the things I was totally psyched about for college, was the fact that I would be allowed to grow out my facial hair without my parents giving me a hard time. I finally decided to clean it up into a nice goatee this morning before church, and then I get there and someone tells me the Stake President wants to speak to me. I'm slightly nervous because they're giving out callings like nobody's business, and I'm afraid I'm gonna have some ridiculous stake calling. When I meet with the Stake President we have a nice interview, and then he looks at me. 'I'm calling you to be the 2nd Counselor in the Elders' Quorum...that means you need to be clean shaven'...
What a fail on my part, I should have grown it out a while ago and enjoyed it until now. Oh well, at least now I don't have to adjust to being clean shaven, because that's been most of my life.
I'm slightly terrified about the calling though, there are R.M.s in the quorum, and I'm just an Elder...possibly the youngest in the ward, and here I am being called into leadership already.

It's Cold Here: Update

It's not so cold today, I was just a dummy yesterday who decided to where shorts and a t-shirt. I am now in jeans, and life is infinitely better. It's still chilly, and I'm kind of dreading winter months, but I'm kind of excited for snow.

Required Books Worth Reading

As an English major, I love literature, so I thought I would go over some books I've been forced to read, that I actually enjoyed and believe should be read:
The Awakening (By far one of my favorite books of all time, not even kidding, it was such a good book)
To Kill A Mockingbird (amazing story)
Pride and Prejudice (and pretty much any Jane Austen)
Othello (favorite Shakespeare I've read so far, it was just good)
A Separate Peace (depressing, but just a good book)
The Great Gatsby (I hated this book the first time, but I love it now, the symbolism is awesome
Les. Mis (well not required in a class, since I still haven't finished it yet, but it's well written)
The Bell Jar (it's an insight into what suffering from depression is like, people should understand what that's like)
"Hills Like White Elephants" (Such a good short story)
The Sun Also Rises (I actually like Hemingway's style, just putting in what's important, it makes the story a lot more loaded)
The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde = one good writer, I love his style.
and probably more I just can't think of right now. Those are just some of my favorites that are currently in the TSC bookstore right now, that are severely tempting me.

Modesty? Update Take 2

Okay, so I realized that I sounded chauvinistic in the last modesty blog...not what I meant to say. What I meant was that it was probably better that Shelby's mom commented instead of me, not because it's a mother's place, because I strongly believe in encouraging modesty, when I feel comfortable doing so with my friends that are girls. However, in Shelby's case, I've only been to one party with her and had like to conversations with her, so I felt like it was not my place to comment, and it probably would go over better if someone she knew well said something. Just thought I would clarify.

The Jones Hall "Secret Admirer"

So through facebook I discovered that the sour patch kids were in fact received, and I guess since it was the first act, I am apparently a secret admirer. Honestly I guess it was kind of awkward, but I'd rather be anonymous, it seems more awkward just handing them a bag of sour patch kids. Now it's a lot more like a game, and I enjoy it a ton more.
I had my second delivery tonight, although this one was not anonymous, because I did in fact want to get my plate back. I made brownies last night (mint chocolate chip brownies, in case you care), and delivered them to my R.A. and her roommates, because one of her roommates has been having a terrible week, so I tried to give them me a pick-me-up. Apparently that one went over well too, I have been tagged in a post due to the last delivery.
Hopefully I can keep this up, because it's a pretty fun thing to do, and I feel like I'm making more friends, this way, and it makes me actually care about what's going on in people's life, so that I can try and hook them up with something in congratulations or just to try and improve their day. I love this part of college almost as much as the passion.

Monologue? Update

So apparently I actually did a decent job in my beginning acting class today on my monologue. I don't take too much credit though, it's just a good monologue all around. One of the kids in my class (his names Cameron) told me after the fact that he got monologue envy after watching, because it's such a good monologue. Apparently I am good at mentally getting into character, but not physically. That makes total sense to me though, because my previous drama teacher never taught us anything about that side of acting, so it's nice to get this point of view. Seriously, I feel like even though I'm not the greatest actor, I will grow by leaps and bounds here in college, where these guys are PROFESSIONAL actors, who have a professional attitude about their job. They don't play favorites, and they don't cry in front of us or let a bad day get in the way of actually doing their job, it's fantastic to be working with such amazing people.
I still would rather be writing, but performing today totally reminded me of how much I do love the spotlight, and my confidence in myself that took a serious hit when I got here, well it's back on the rise.

Modesty? Update

Checked facebook, and Shelby's mother commented the along the same lines as what I was tempted to. Glad I didn't say anything, because that's kind of a mother's place anyways. It just made me laugh. Glad that the concept of modesty isn't entirely dead yet, probably once the generation before us dies, that's when modesty outside of very religious homes will die.

Monologue?

So I have this monologue I need to have memorized by tomorrow...yeah it's almost nine and I haven't even glanced at it yet tonight, let alone worked on blocking, or anything...Writing is just so much more fun than acting. I love acting, but it isn't my passion, and so I do it only halfheartedly. That's probably not a good thing, but honestly I love English too much to want to focus on anything else but writing and people.
On the bright side I love my monologue, I'm working on one of Ren's from Footloose, and it's one of my favorite scenes. I criticized our lead in high school when he acted that scene out, but honestly it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'm really glad I'm not a theatre major right now, because I've realized I'm not a strong actor, I'm mediocre at best, and I don't mind it. As long as I keep progressing as a writer, I'm okay with whatever goes on.
Oh BTW, read "Hills Like White Elephants" today in English 2600, umm, it was really good, just in case you're after a story with lots of symbolism and all that.

Trying to Change Attitudes With Myself

My current goal is to avoid misery and angst that I've been battling for the past...well I guess just 24 hours by becoming someone beloved in the building, without people realizing how much they truly do love me. This means: Doorbell ditching. Yes my friends you've heard correctly, I have become a doorbell ditcher in my building. The key is to find out things that mean a big deal to people, and then doorbell ditch them and leave them stuff relating to those big deal things.
Tonight's adventure was dropping off some sour patch kids for a girl upstairs who got the part of the Sour Kangaroo in Seussical a couple of days. The whole doorbell ditching strategy becomes infinitely more difficult though when they do not have doorbells, and they leave their door open. It was a stand at the top of the staircase and just chuck the candy with the sticky note of congratulations, and just run. My biggest fear is that at some point while doing this is that they'll just be hanging out in their hallway when I carry up the goodys. That would just be one awkward moment.
However for now, that is my role, and no one has noticed it's me yet, although it was just one trip so far. Let's see how long I can keep this up before I get caught.

It's Cold Here

I'm so used to burning up still on September 9...why is it so cold here? I'm practically freezing every time I leave the apartment building, it's pathetic. It rained today...I had forgotten just how cold rain can get. Back home when it rains it's still warmish water, here it's freeing cold water, and I can't handle it very well. Ah well, bring on the winter! I will finally get to spend more time with snow than I could ever wish.

Passion

The thing I've discovered I love most about college is the passion here. Not like the romantic passion, but the passion that artists have. I'm surrounded by people who are passionate. In all of my English classes there's so much passion going around, we all have so much love for the whole English language, and we feed off one another until we all are just so excited to get reading and writing.
I've met so many people who are passionate about music too. Mitch is about as passionate as anyone I've ever met when it comes to music. In case I haven't stressed this, HE'S RECORDING HIS OWN MUSIC...MUSIC THAT HE WRITES!!! Then across the hall there's a girl named Tisha who is also passionate about music, she is the most amazing female singer my age that I've ever met, it's fantastic, and she plays the piano well. We had a little Phantom duet singing "All I Ask of You" together, it was amazing.
Theatre classes reveal more passion, as people major in theatre, and know that they'll probably never make it big, but they still study it and major in it, planning on just trying to survive as an actor, because they are passionate about it.
Everyone here has a passion, and I love it, and I'm finally motivated to jump back into my passion of writing. Last night, I spent about two hours just writing, getting everything I was feeling out on paper.
My passion for writing comes from the fact that I am not the person who can ever admit feelings out loud...ever. So writing is my escape, it gets everything that needs to be said out, and allows me to reflect on what I wrote and decide if that's how I feel. Honestly something that allows me to explore my emotions is something that I will forever love. Thank you writing. Thank you passion

Just Breathing.

I need a real friend right now, with me, a friend who I can be entirely honest with, who won't be judgmental, who will listen, and just understand. I don't need advice, I don't need anything but the knowledge that there is someone who is willing to listen without being totally disappointed in the person I see in the mirror, someone who can give me a hug and tell me everything will be okay, and actually make everything okay. Someone physically here with me.
Lots of people tell me that I can call anytime, but honestly, I can't talk on the phone, and I don't know I'm just really messed up right now, and I need someone who will understand. I'm not emo, or suicidal, just struggling with about every aspect in my life right now. There's things to be happy about, but there's so much in my head that won't let me let go and be happy.
I don't know if it'll help, but anything is worth a shot. If you would mind praying for me, I'd appreciate it. Sorry to be so needy.

Modesty?

If you happen to be friends with Shelby Reese on facebook, you will notice she has a picture of the shortest denim shorts ever made in one of her albums, with the tag that goes something along the lines of "only $5, can you believe it?" I honestly want to comment "heck yes I believe it, I bet they only spent a dollar on the fabric to make those, you just got ripped off!"
Seriously, I don't understand why the less fabric that goes into clothes the more people feel they can charge because it looks "cute." Let's face it girls those clothes aren't cute, modest is most definitely hottest, just sayin'.

An Update

List style, ready begin!:

*Rachel Swinney's blog keeps me inspired
*Huckleberry ice cream is in the freezer with my name on it (no really it has my name on it), and I'm beginning to understand why the whole Freshman fifteen thing exists
*Cooking is totally overrated, and starving is underrated, seriously, food isn't that important.
*My bro isn't such a bad guy.
*Holy cow Mitch (my roommate) can sing...kinda jealous.
*Moulin Rouge = my current obsession. On a Mormonosity scale, the movie isn't high at all, but holy cow, the music is FANTASTIC! I knew this earlier, but I'm currently going through a Moulin Rouge phase.
*RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE!!!!!
*I need wall decorations. My wall aren't bare, but they aren't plastered, which means something is in fact wrong.
*Antoine Dodson has made me infinitely more popular here...seriously why does that make me feel like a loser?
*Jones Hall is the ghetto, and I love it, except for when they turn the water off at 9 in the morning...
*I saw my RA on campus...weird, I don't think we've ever actually seen each other more than twice now.
*Peach Days is in like two days...I haven't been in five years. I'm excited for it, even though I know it will be lame.
*How To Train Your Dragon needs to hurry up and get out. I'm not even kidding, I have a poster on my wall now, and it's driving me crazy.
*Above mentioned poster needs to stay on the wall better, I'm tired of waking up with it on top of me.
*Rain is cold here.
*Cellphone people on campus make me laugh. Not the ones talking on their phones, the ones pretending to be on their phones to avoid people saying anything to them. They aren't saying anything at all, and you've been walking behind them for 20 minutes. Every conversation needs a response at least once in 20 minutes, so if you're going to pretend to be on the phone at least pretend to have a conversation. Say things like "I warned her that just because gas and milk are about the same price does not mean that they are interchangeable, I mean seriously milk does not go in the gas tank." Then you cause entertainment for those around you instead of annoyance.
*iPods, they're awesome I know, but seriously, human conversation is better, unplug people, I want to talk to you!!!
*Cheese factory, Aggie Ice Cream, and D.I. These are obvious signs of heaven.
*English class and Institute, are honestly the two places I've had the biggest confirmation that I am where I am supposed to be. They were good feelings.
*Ballroom Dancing...I need to practice... a lot.
*I have a piggy bank named Earnest now (and yes that's how he spells it).
*Converses = awesome, but Vans = comfortable...so alas I'm back in Vans for today, because my feet are wearing out.
*BOX ELDER HIGH SCHOOL IS DOING PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Umm yeah there you go an update...in random list form, too lazy to write those in paragraph form.